White Rabbit
by HappyChaos3D
Summary: After screwing up and getting into big trouble with Dad, Dean doesn't think it can get much worse.  But when Sammy goes missing, Dean has to embark on a strange and perilous journey to get him back. Dean 11, Sammy 6.
1. Chapter 1

A/N Hey y'all! Another fic from me. I started this one years ago and I'm kind of worried about posting it. It's been my baby for a while, and I'm pretty far into it. It's going to be a long ride though. I got the idea once when I was going for a walk one summer and I saw a white-ish jackrabbit. Since they're usually brown in the summer and their fur changes to white in the winter, I thought it was odd. The fact that "White Rabbit" by Jefferson Airplane was playing on my MP3 was a nice coincidence that inspired me. No, this isn't an LSD induced trip down the rabbit-hole, but this story does draw inspiration from the kind of story where the hero embarks on a strange journey in a different world, like in "Alice in Wonderland" (minus the LSD), or "Wizard of Oz", "Narnia" and especially "Labyrinth" (minus the Goblin King with David Bowie hair). But "Supernatural" style. Y'know, more blood, less whimzy. Does that make sense?

Disclaimer: Not mine. Nope. But a girl can dream, yes?

* * *

><p><span>White Rabbit<span>

"Dean, where's daddy?" Sammy asked out of the blue.

Startling slightly Dean marked the page of his book with his thumb and turned to his little brother, "He's gone on business Sammy, you know that."

"But where?"

"'Bout two towns over? I don't know."

"When will he be back?"

Dean frowned, hating it when Sammy started asking him such questions, especially this one. "I'm not sure. Maybe later today or tomorrow." Actually he was supposed to be back yesterday but the nature of Dad's job was that he couldn't always be back on time. Dean just wished he'd call so he didn't have to worry so much. He always worried when Dad went away on a hunt.

"Dean I'm bored," Sammy whined.

"Find something to do!"

"Can we go to the lake?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because Dad said so."

"Why?"

"Because it's dangerous."

"No it's not. Lots of people are playing there."

"You could drown."

"No I won't," Sammy insisted, "I can swim an' 'sides, you won't let me drown."

"You gotta point there, Squirt."

"So can we go?"

"No."

"Dean!"

"I'm sorry Sammy, but we can't. Not until Dad gets back."

"Why?"

Irritated Dean let out a huff, "_Because_! Jeez Sammy will you stop asking stupid questions?"

Sammy startled by his big brother's outburst and sniffled slightly.

_Aw shit_! Dean thought, seeing a temper tantrum starting as Sammy's cheeks began to turn three shades of red and his nostrils flared and eyes narrowed. Best to reel him in before things get out of hand. "Sammy, don't be a baby. Look we can go for a walk? Just as long as we stay near the cabin, alright?"

"I wanna go to the lake!" Sammy whined, his voice developing a shrill but demanding tone.

"Sammy we _can't_!" Dean insisted almost wanting to blurt out that he'd been longing to go to the lake ever since they got there. But Dad said no and Dean wasn't going to disobey. Not this time. Last time he nearly got Sammy killed by leaving him alone for a few hours, if something happened on his watch… no. He couldn't risk it. The lake was big and deep and crowded. Sammy could get hurt, he could drown, he could get lost, there might be a bad person there who will want to hurt him, someone might realize they were alone and call CPS… And he couldn't tell Sammy that he wanted to go to the lake too because that would only give Sammy more reason to want to go.

"I wanna go!" Sammy screamed, "I'm tired of being here an' stuck inside when it's so sunny out and beautiful and the lake is so close and…and…"

"Come on!" Dean hissed, "Let's go for a walk, play outside for a while, OK?"

"I don' wanna go for a walk! I wanna go to the lake!"

Dean chose not to point out that going to the lake also meant going for a walk. "Maybe later!" Dean hissed, "When Dad gets back. OK? Dad said we can't go there, but we can go exploring near the cabin, all right?"

"And when's daddy comin' here?" Sammy whimpered breathlessly, hiccoughing slightly as tears drew moist lines down his reddened cheeks.

"I don't know."

"I wan' daddy!" he cried, "I don' like it when he leaves us alone in strange places!"

Reeling in his own temper Dean stuffed a candy wrapper he found on the floor in his book to mark the page and put his book aside, approaching his little brother. He went to his knees and placed his hands on his shoulder, "Hey… it's OK Sammy. Dad's doing what he needs to do. I know you don't like it…but…"

"I hate him!" Sammy declared suddenly, no longer crying.

"No you don't…"

"I do!" Sammy insisted, folding his arms and pouting. "Other kids's daddy's let them go to the lake. Other kids don' have daddies who leave them alone."

"You're not alone," Dean reminded him, "I'm here and Dad… he'd be here if he could. He has no choice."

"Why?"

"Damn it Sammy, I don't know!" Dean snapped. He knew, he knew that Dad was hunting monsters to protect them and find the thing that killed their mom, but he didn't want Sammy to know there were monsters. He didn't want Sammy to know and he didn't know what to tell him.

"I hate you too Dean!" Sammy hissed and Dean nearly fell on his butt in surprise. "You don't let me do anything fun either! You jus' boss me around like you were daddy and…"

"You don't mean that," Dean said quietly, "Sammy… what's gotten into you today?"

"I wanna go to the lake!"

Dean took a deep, shuddering breath. He knew Sammy didn't mean anything he said, being cooped up in the small cabin for four days while Dad was gone was hard on them both. And with it being so nice and sunny and the lake only a fifteen minute walk away it made it that much harder for both of them to stay inside like Dad told them to. Both of them were on edge and Dean knew that he'd probably get in huge trouble if Dad found out but they needed to get out for a while, both of them. As long as they stayed together and he didn't let Sammy out of his sight, it should be fine.

"OK," Dean finally agreed, his voice low and trembling. He winced at the thought of what might happen if they got caught but he took another deep breath and with more confidence repeated, "OK. Yeah let's go."

"Really?" Sammy perked up.

"Really," Dean breathed, "but uh… it's our secret, OK?"

Giggling with glee, his temper tantrum forgotten Sammy tackled Dean to the floor, embracing him in a big bear hug. "You're the best!"

Dean laughed trying to push Sammy off him as he kept his big brother pinned. "Get off! Get off or I'll change my mind!"

Sammy rolled off him and ran to get his shoes.

"We have to agree to some rules though!" Dean hollered after him, "We can't go swimming or anything."

"Can I get my feet wet?"

"I guess but no deeper than your ankles."

"OK!" Sammy said.

"And you can't talk to anyone," Dean added, "and always stay close to me."

"Kay!"

Mentally psyching himself up for their rebellious outing Dean took another breath, wondering what the heck he was thinking. It was the first time since the Shtriga that Dad left Sammy alone with him. It was his chance to prove that he could follow orders and be trusted again and here he was breaking one of the biggest rules Dad left them: don't go to the lake. Or anywhere for that matter. The cabin was protected with wards and salt lines and protective sigils—anywhere else would be unsafe from the types of things Dad hunted and Sammy tended to be a magnet for trouble.

Dean made sure he had his trusty silver bladed knife Dad got him for his tenth birthday and his .22 safely concealed but within easy reach if he needed them and then he wrote a very apologetic note to Dad in the off chance Dad got back while they were gone. If Dad still wasn't back when they returned he'd just throw it out.

"Ready to go Sammy?"

"Yep!" he exclaimed happily, heaving his backpack over his shoulder.

Dean led the way out of the small cabin and started walking towards the lake. They couldn't see it from where they were situated because of the thick trees, but they were pretty close to the lake and the quiet nearby hamlet. The summer months attracted a few tourists and campers but the cabin Dad got them for the next few weeks was still pretty secluded. It was hidden amongst the trees and bordered by a barbed wire fence that had "No Trespassing" signs all over it. Apparently it belonged to one of Uncle Bobby's friends who was away for the summer.

They walked along the small dirt path that was created mostly by deer and other animals. It led to a gravel road that was a direct route to the lake as Dean and Sammy discovered before Dad left on his hunt.

"Sammy stay close to me," Dean ordered when Sammy started to skip further ahead.

Sighing Sammy stopped to wait for him, and looked down in the dirt, "Look Dean!" he exclaimed, "There's a dead porcupine!" He crouched down to get a closer look and reached down to get a stick.

"Don't touch it Sammy!"

"I'm not!" Sammy huffed impatiently, grabbing the stick and poking the dead animal, rolling it over. "Ew! Gross!"

"What?" Dean asked, catching up to his brother and looking.

"Maggots!"

"Put the stick down Sammy, c'mon," Dean groaned as he slapped a mosquito that landed on his arm and walked ahead, pausing after a couple of steps to turn back to his brother, "Hurry up!"

"I'm comin', I'm comin'," Sammy sighed, dropping the stick and rejoining his brother.

They kept walking until they reached a clearing and Dean looked around in confusion.

"Where are we?" Sammy asked, voicing the same thought to run through his head.

"I don't know," he shrugged, "must've veered off the path somehow. Can't be far to the road though."

"Hey Dean! Look!" Sammy exclaimed, "There's a river! Did'ja know there's a river here?" He ambled ahead, pointing to a stream of water.

Dean shook his head negative, following close behind. It wasn't exactly a river since it was too small, but it was rushing through the clearing fairly quickly and looked too deep to wade across and too wide to jump over.

"Let's follow it!"

"I don't know Sammy, I thought you wanted to go to the lake," Dean pointed out.

"Prob'ly empties into the lake," Sammy pointed out, "or maybe it can lead us to the road!"

"I think we should get back on the path, find the road that way," Dean frowned, "because we know that way."

"We can always follow the river backwards if we have to," Sammy pointed out.

Dean sighed, "All right. But stay away from the edge. I don't want you to fall in, OK?"

"OK," Sammy shrugged. They walked side by side down the creek until they reached the road. The stream flowed under a small bridge and winded down the other side of the gravel road. That was when Sammy spotted a white jackrabbit across the road and on the other side of the creek. "Dean lookit! Lookit over there!"

"What is it?"

"A white rabbit!"

Dean chuckled. Now that they found the road and were on more familiar ground he had loosened up some and was actually confident that Dad wouldn't be back before they were. "Cool," he shrugged with a grin. The rabbit was sitting still in a little dip in the ground and almost looked like a small boulder but when it noticed them it perked up, raising its ears and looking around in attention.

"It saw us!" Sammy exclaimed.

"Yeah," Dean agreed, "c'mon, before we scare it away." He took Sammy's hand and started to lead the way down the road. Sammy turned towards the rabbit again.

"It's following us!" he pointed towards the rabbit.

Dean looked again. The rabbit was on their side of the creek this time, though still across the road. "It's probably another rabbit," Dean chuckled, "no way it could get on this side of the creek so fast."

"No, it's the same one," Sammy insisted.

"And how do you know?"

"'Cuz it's white."

"So?"

"Well I read that jackrabbits turn white in the winter and brown in the summer. This one is white and that has to be special."

"That's nice, Sammy," Dean frowned, "now c'mon dude, I thought you wanted to go to the lake."

Sammy turned his attention away from the rabbit and began to follow his brother. But then he glanced back at the rabbit, noticing that the rabbit was indeed following them. When he stopped walking, the rabbit stopped and looked at him and Sammy could swear the rabbit was telling him to follow it the way it tilted its head. With a shrug he decided that if it wanted him to follow, he should follow. The compulsion to do so was strong, so trusting Dean to turn around and follow him he followed the rabbit as it darted to the other side of the creek. He crossed the bridge and the rabbit led him through the trees where he continued to follow until he realized suddenly that he was alone. Dean wasn't following him like he assumed he would and he was so busy focusing on the rabbit that he wasn't paying attention to where he was going.

"Dean?" he called, "Dean! Where are you?"

He relaxed when he heard Dean's distant voice calling him back, sounding a little frantic.

"Over here!" Sammy called, running towards the sound of his brother's voice. Suddenly his foot caught on something and he tripped, he threw his hands up to catch himself and screamed. He landed with a thud and pain shot up through his arm and his leg and he began to cry as the white jackrabbit hopped beside him and watched him with beady black eyes that for a brief moment he could've sworn flashed yellow.

Meanwhile Dean had been walking ahead, not realizing that Sammy had wandered off. He was beginning to get a bad feeling about breaking the rules to go to the lake. It was a bad idea in the first place and he was beginning to regret it as much as the rebellion excited him. When he turned around to make sure Sammy was keeping up he panicked when he saw that Sammy was no where to be seen.

"Sammy?" he called, feeling his heart begin to pump rapidly in his chest, "Sammy!"

He hurriedly began to backtrack, "Sammy!"

"Over here!" he heard and Dean allowed a second to breathe a sigh of relief. Sammy hadn't gone too far and he was OK. The moment was fleeting when he heard Sammy scream and then cry in pain.

"Sammy!" he cried out, running blindly towards the sound of his brother's sobs. The bridge was too far away at this point and Dean would have to backtrack if he crossed it because Sammy sounded like he was just out of sight on the other side of the creek. Without even thinking about it he crossed the creek using a fallen tree trunk, not caring when his foot slipped and he ended up knee deep in water, he just trudged the rest of the way across and ran through the trees until he could see him lying on the ground crying. He slid down beside him like a baseball player sliding onto home plate, "Hey, let me see…" he soothed, "what happened?"

"I fell!" he cried, holding his hand with a pathetic grimace on his face.

Dean gently pulled his hand away and saw a mild scrape on his palm, nothing to be too concerned about but there was blood and it had to sting. "It's OK, we'll get you a band-aid…are you hurt anywhere else kiddo?"

Sammy nodded pathetically, pointing to his foot which was stuck under a tree root.

"OK," Dean nodded, paling at the awkward angle Sammy's foot was resting, he gently manoeuvred Sammy so his leg was straight, garnering a whimper from his little brother. He darted his eyes to meet Sammy's with concern. "Hang on squirt, I'm going to get you out of this, then I'll take you home, OK?"

Sammy nodded hiccoughing through his tears.

Dean got a good grip of his brother's leg and the root, lifting the root as much as he could, which wasn't much, and then, "OK, on the count of three. One.. two…" he gently pried Sammy's foot from the tree root, and Sammy howled out pathetically as it brought him obvious pain. But the foot slid out easier than Dean feared. "Shh, it's OK Squirt, you're OK."

Gingerly Dean took off Sammy's sneaker, eliciting a hiss from his little brother and Dean gently shushed him as he looked him in the eye, "Take it easy, man, I'm just going to see it."

"But it h-h-ur-rts!" Sammy sniffled, trying to hold back his tears.

"I know," Dean soothed, "I know. Just gonna take a look at it." He swallowed nervously at the sight of mild swelling around his ankle, but then he couldn't help but roll his eyes when Sammy cried out in anticipation of pain, "No need to be a cry-baby kiddo, I haven't even touched it yet!"

"But I know it's g-gonn-na h-hurt!"

"I'll be gentle," Dean promised, keeping true to his word as he probed his ankle, sighing in relief when he saw that it wasn't broken, just sprained and sore. "You're OK Sammy," Dean smiled, "it's not too bad." And it wasn't. He might have to take it easy for a day or two and stay off it, but it could've been worse.

Sammy glared at him and gave one, loud dramatic sniffle.

"But I know it hurts, OK?" Dean rubbed Sammy's shoulder and let him cry it out a bit. "So what were you doing wandering off Squirt? You know you're not supposed to do that."

"The rabbit, it wanted me to follow it," Sammy explained, wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

Dean stared at him incredulously, "The rabbit?"

"Yeah."

He started to laugh and Sammy glared at him sharply, "C'mon, that's the silliest thing I ever heard."

"It's true!" Sammy said and then frowned, "Or at least…I thought it did."

"OK even on the off chance it did want you to follow it _Alice_, you know you're not supposed to wander off like that," Dean said, "What if something happened?" At the look Sammy shot him he amended, "Something really bad? What if you got lost and I couldn't find you, what if you fell in the creek? What if you broke your ankle instead of sprained it? Besides you could've fallen down the rabbit hole and ended up in Wonderland and then the Queen of Hearts might cut off your head."

Sammy blew a raspberry at him.

"It would be a very tragic thing," Dean said solemnly, before cracking a smile, making Sammy grin and chuckle a little, forgetting the pain.

"OK, I guess it was kinda silly."

Dean shrugged it off with a smirk, "You ready to get up now so I can get you home and patched up?"

Sammy shook his head.

"You can ride on my back," Dean promised, already turning and leaning forward so Sammy could climb on without having to stand up. "Climb aboard,Alice," Dean teased as Sammy wrapped his arms around his neck. "You ready?" He felt Sammy nod against his shoulder and Dean pushed himself to his feet.

"Your pants are wet," Sammy commented as Dean walked, his bare foot brushing against Dean's wet jeans.

"Fell in the creek coming after you," Dean replied.

Sammy snorted, "Klutz!"

"Says the kid who sprained his ankle tripping over a root," Dean retorted with a chuckle, grimacing as he felt the water in his saturated sneakers squishing between his socks and toes. He hardly noticed it while he was too busy worrying about Sammy but now he was feeling the cold. He walked past the trees that had concealed his little brother and pointed to the fallen log, "Fell off that."

"Why didn't you use the bridge?"

"Then I would have to backtrack," Dean replied, adjusting his grip on his brother, "I thought you were in trouble, it would've wasted time."

"I was in trouble," Sammy murmured, "I was stuck."

"I meant immediate danger, doofus," Dean huffed, "but yeah. Hope this teaches you not to wander off without telling me. You could've told me to wait you know, given me some signal that you were going to go chasing rabbits."

"I know, I'm sorry," Sammy burrowed his face in Dean's shoulder, sniffling.

Dean softened, "Hey, it's OK. Just don't worry me like that anymore, OK?"

"OK."

They crossed the road and found the small path through the trees and headed home, completely unaware that they were being watched.

* * *

><p>AN Thanks for reading! Please review! Your comments mean the world to me!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Another chapter! Yay! It comes with a slight warning though. There is a fine line between discipline and abuse. It is in this authors opinion that John crosses that line in this chapter, though the characters of John and Dean don't see it that way. Because of it, I've been worried about posting this chapter even though it's been ready to go for over a month now. Methinks I may fret too much but there you go. If it bothers you, well you've been warned.

Please note that I love the character of John and while he's more of an asshole than usual in this chapter, I think he's way too complicated to put in a box. I say this because in many stories I've read, he's either the world's greatest dad (who made some well intended mistakes) or a downright abusive father and even the show can't seem to make up its mind. Whenever I write John, I try to portray him as both if that makes sense.

That said, uh, enjoy!:)

* * *

><p>By the time they reached the cabin Dean was shivering as the cold water from the creek seemed to soak through his jeans and skin and settle deep into his bones, and he was tired from carrying Sammy all that way. Sammy was heavy after a while. But nonetheless, they were laughing and joking all the way after Dean cracked a joke to distract his brother from the pain and Sammy retorted with a few zingers of his own. But the tone immediately changed as dread washed over Dean and he stopped dead in his tracks as he caught a glimpse of the impala parked in the driveway on the other side of the house.<p>

Dad was home.

_Shit, Dad's gonna _kill_ me!_ Dean thought.

He had really hoped Dad wouldn't get home until later, preferably after Sammy's ankle was healed or at least stayed away long enough for them to come up with a good story that _wouldn't_ get them in deep shit.

Just his luck he'd get back during the short time they were gone.

"Dean!" Sammy tapped his back, trying to get his attention. "Come on, I said _knock, knock_?"

"Not now," Dean whispered, taking a deep breath as he headed forward. Maybe he could convince Dad that they stuck to the property and that Sammy hurt himself when they were playing tag in the woodsy back yard. But the incriminating watermarks on his jeans already made it impossible for that lie to work. Besides the rule was they had to stay inside when Dad was gone hunting so either way they'd be in trouble.

Finally Sammy picked up on the change in atmosphere and frowned, "Dean? What's wrong?"

"Dad's back."

"Daddy!" Sammy exclaimed, not yet cluing in to how much trouble they were going to be in. He tried to wiggle off Dean's back but Dean held on tighter, bouncing him up higher on his back.

"Dean! Sammy!" Dad called, coming around towards the back of the cabin and meeting them halfway. "Where the hell have you been?" he demanded, waving the note Dean left in his hands, his expression darkening further when his eyes scanned down to see Dean's wet jeans and that he was holding Sammy's shoe and noticing Sammy's swollen bare foot. "What happened?"

And like any six year old kid would, Sammy began to cry, "I fell and hurt my ankle!" he held up his hand, "And I scraped my hand too!"

Dad bent over and took Sammy from Dean and Sammy wrapped his arms around him, sobbing as though it had just happened. Dean gaped at Sammy incredulously, feeling anger swell up inside him over the act which borderlined on betrayal, he knew it wasn't Sammy's fault, that Sammy had no idea, but he couldn't help but suddenly feel heavy with anger and jealousy. Dean used to pull that kind of act successfully too when he was little, but after the Fire, things changed. He tried it once, it was a pure attempt at manipulation after a rough day at school, but Dad didn't fall for it and give him the sympathy and comfort he had wanted, instead Dad told Dean to man up and stop being a cry-baby, that he needed Dean to be strong. They all needed Dean to be strong. But now Dad was holding Sammy in his arms, stroking his back and soothing him all the while glaring at Dean.

Dean shrank back a little, lowering his gaze apologetically, feeling very small.

"Come on kiddo," Dad said, "let's take a look at you."

Sammy sniffled, "OK."

With Sammy in his arms Dad headed back to the cabin and Dean lagged behind, dragging his feet, feeling like he was heading for the gallows because Dad was definitely gonna kill him.

-o-0-O-_0-o_

"What were you thinking Dean?" John yelled fiercely, "I gave you one rule while I was gone, _one_, and you were supposed to keep Sammy safe and not leave the damn property!"

"That's two," Dean muttered quietly, and then winced when he realized he said it out loud. John slammed his belt against Dean's shoulder, striking the shoulder blade, sending pain to spike down his arm. He whimpered and shied away from his father, blinking back the sting of tears.

"Sorry," John spat viciously, "I thought the Golden Rule was a given! Obviously you were being too stupid to figure that one out!"

Of course, the Golden Rule: protect Sammy, keep him safe and happy. It was the most important rule in Dean's eyes and the fact he failed at that in the first place hurt badly enough. And now that Dad knew about it, now that he was caught it was so much worse, and not just because he was in trouble and currently on the receiving end of a much deserved beating, but because Dad trusted him, and he blew it and for what? So Sammy would stop whining? He cringed more at the disappointment in Dad's eyes than the threat of the belt which had already supplied him with a couple of painful welts on his bottom.

"Yes sir," Dean cried, "I'm sorry sir."

"You'd better be you useless little shit!" John snapped, "So what were you thinking? What was going though your head when you decided to disobey a direct order and get your brother hurt?"

"We wanted to go to the lake," Dean replied softly, apologetically, "I didn't want Sammy to get hurt but he wandered off…"

John slammed the belt across his back again, the thin shirt Dean was wearing doing nothing to lessen the sting of the blow, "You should've been watching him and then it wouldn't have happened!"

"I was!" Dean protested, wincing in anticipation of another strike with the belt that didn't come. Instead John dropped the belt and grabbed him by the upper arms shaking him, pushing him until he was pressed against the wall in the shed where John decided was the best place to fight without Sammy hearing. "I thought he was right behind me! Please Dad, I'm sorry! I won't do it again, I promise!"

"I _trusted _you Dean! I thought you were better than that!" John snapped, "But I guess I was wrong. I thought you would be smart enough, mature enough by now to keep Sammy safe but I should've known better than that."

"I'm sorry," it came out like a whimper and Dean felt a rogue tear slide down his face, pausing at his lip where it mixed with the snot running down his nose, "Sammy just wanted to go to the lake Dad, we were getting tired and bored of hanging around here all the time and you… we…needed to get out for a while. I… I didn't mean for anything to happen." He sniffled pathetically, wiping his nose with the back of his hand.

"Well consider yourself lucky Sammy's only got a twisted ankle and not something worse. What would you have done if it were? What if he broke it or fell in the lake and drowned? What if something went after him? Did you even think of that?"

Dean nodded.

"So you knew the potential danger and yet you went out anyway," John shook his head and then threw him to the ground where he towered over him, "you stupid kid!"

"We went prepared and…Dad you can't keep us on lockdown forever!" he dared to snap back, "Sammy was getting bored and I just wanted to make him happy but _you_ weren't there and we had no idea when you'd be back! Other kids get to go to the lake and go bike riding and hiking and go to parks and malls and…"

John grabbed the belt he dropped and brought it down hard against Dean's shoulder and he curled into himself, protecting his face as John struck again, hitting his back, once, twice, "You're not 'other kids' Dean! Other kids don't know what we know! Other kids aren't magnets for supernatural threats! And did you even stop to consider what would happen if Sammy got hurt worse and CPS found out that I wasn't home at the time?"

"No sir," Dean lied because he _had_ thought about that, which was why he was prepared in the first place. But Sammy was bored, and he was bored and tired of Sammy's whining and so he thought at the time that it was worth the risk because odds were that nothing was going to happen. Countless numbers of kids go out and play every day and nothing bad happens and despite the paranoia drilled into him since he was four, Dean was counting on those odds. And being separated from his family because of CPS was one of his biggest fears. But he didn't dare mention that, not when he deliberately went against the rules that protected them from such consequences. At the moment, while John's temper was raging out of control, ignorance, although a weak excuse, was looking like his best defence.

"They'd take you and Sammy away from me," John said, the raw pain and fear suddenly evident in his voice was jarring, "and I'm not prepared to deal with that."

"I'm sorry sir," Dean repeated, feeling the much deserved welts on his body from the belt throb in time with his heartbeat, "You know I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to Sammy. Never."

John held out his hand with a sigh, "I know," he replied shakily, anger deflating suddenly with what looked like resigned and profound disappointment, which to Dean seemed worse than the belt, "but you just have to be more careful. Just be glad that Sammy's OK." He took Dean's hand and helped him to his feet.

"I am," Dean murmured quietly.

"Now go to your room," John tilted his chin towards the front door as he put his belt back on, "you're going to stay there until I say you can come out."

"Yes sir," Dean nodded, stiffly heading inside.

He rubbed his shoulder as he made his way to the bathroom to quickly clean up before Sammy could see him. He could feel a bruise forming there and his back was throbbing, but he knew it could've been worse. John held back a lot, even in his rage. If he hadn't Dean knew he wouldn't be able to walk. But it still hurt.

Dean walked into the bathroom and cringed at the sight of himself, his face red, eyes puffy from crying, nose dripping with snot, his hair a mess. He turned on the water and roughly washed his face, still shivering from the dampness of his dirty jeans and trembling uncontrollably from the ache of his punishment. He had it coming, he knew it. He disobeyed a direct order, he had it coming. But as he unsuccessfully tried to stifle back a sob, he couldn't help but despair at how unfair it was. He just wanted to make Sammy happy, to stop having to listen to him whine, to be a regular kid for once. Was that so bad?

Growling in frustration, hating himself for wallowing in self-pity Dean haphazardly wiped again at his eyes, scrubbing his face to erase evidence of his tears. When he felt like he looked presentable enough, he went to his and Sammy's room.

Sammy was sleeping soundly thanks to the painkillers Dad gave him and was probably completely oblivious to what happened between Dean and John outside in the shed which suited Dean just fine. Sammy didn't have to know. But looking at his little brother's tear-stained cheeks, Dean wondered if Sammy might've worn himself out by crying himself to sleep.

"I'm sorry," Dean whispered. He never wanted Sammy to get hurt, never in a million years. He took off his wet socks and changed out of his sodden jeans into a clean pair of sweats. After checking again to make sure Sammy was still asleep took off his shirt, pausing to get a look at the welts on his back and shoulder in the mirror. He winced at the sight, seeing signs of a few bruises beginning to form, though it didn't look as bad as he thought it would. Dad definitely held back a lot but he was going to be feeling it for a few days. Dean stiffly grabbed a clean, black t-shirt from his dresser and threw it on and went to the window to close the blinds for Sammy's sake.

Their bedroom window faced the edge of the property, overlooking the driveway with a clear view of the fence surrounding the place. Just on the other side of the fence was a white rabbit and it seemed to be looking right at him. Dean frowned and closed the blinds.

He sat down on his bed and watched Sammy a moment as a million thoughts went through his head. Suddenly the tears were back, falling freely. He buried his face in his pillow, feeling like he could suffocate under the weight of his failure and soon he too cried himself to sleep.

* * *

><p>AN Thanks for reading. Please let me know what you think! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.


End file.
